Whilst sitting in the kitchen, sporting my matching Mr Tickle boxers and T shirt and sipping the first brew of the day, I flicked through the emails. As normal, a proliferation had popped into my inbox during the night. In short they were the usual rubbish, in particular the Wowcher and Groupon circulations. They promised exciting offers like afternoon tea at Cafe Rouge snd exotic getaway breaks with Jet2. Talk about being insensitive. They soon disappeared to email heaven.
Another circular offered amazing prices on dog beds. We have so many in our house that we are getting short of floor space. To watch tele properly I either have to curl up into one of the beds or stand in a corner. Additionally they have all been completely pointless purchases as our hounds seem to spend their entire indoor existence trying to get on the sofa
After brekkie we ventured out in the car and pointed it towards faraway Dereham. We felt like fugitives heading for the state line, hoping the cops wouldn’t pull us over and check our permits.
Weird is an understatement as the whole world seemed to have been sucked up – Whilst being an apoealing Saturday night quote from Dakota Johnson, this reality seemed very different.
As we headed towards Wells the fruiters we rechecked our email order and realised that we had slightly over ordered pineapples. Instead of placing an order for ONE juicy specimen we had actually ordered eleven.
Approaching the warehouse I had visions of a burly veggie chap struggling with our huge overflowing order of the exotic fruit.
We also prepared ourselves for accusatory looks from the other socially responsible shoppers that we were soon to be standing next to. I imagined unmentionable phrases forming on their lips, assuming we were at best greedy, panic buying, shelf stripping buggars.
Clare decided to remain in the car, to look after the dogs ! As I walked towards the queueing crowd I was pondering wether my pineapples would appear out of the warehouse by forklift adding to the shame.
As it turned out the sensible staff had realised our cockup and indeed just allocated us one, not eleven pineapples.
The next stop was Tesco another weird experience. We were filtered into socially distancing single file and counted into the store. Goods selected we were again moved into single file and after lengthy queueing ushered to an available till. It was nothing short of bizarre, organised, necessary but still bizarre.
To be honest the store held most stuff, including loo rolls. We didn’t buy any as we have an unopened pack hidden under the spare bed, .apparently they are there for emergencies. I thought, and still do think that its long way to waddle with your pants around your ankles if an emergency arose.
Additionally we have retrained our toileting habits – One sheet for a number one, two sheets for a number two. We figured that if you were ever unfortunate enough to be in the position where you were undertaking a number three then rationing would not be particularly high on your personal radar.
Getting home we were met by our friends who had cycled over from Toftrees. Whilst always being welcome, they were on this particular occasion even more welcome as they had brought home made cake and beetroot wraps. They loaded their panniers up with ten kilos of potatoes and cycled off into the sunset, or at least in the direction of Horningtoft.
The rest of the day consisted of meeting up at The Patch with the Brisley scooter club (you had to be there). Ruth was shocked to see six of us chatting (purely coincidental and safe distances). Sue looked like she was about to audition for Circ du Soleil . Tucky and Paula drove past us and instead of the usual witty personal abuse Tucky was just witty, I missed being abused, times have indeed changed.
We had tea, I wished it was Friday so I could have beer, it wasn’t so I didn’t.
Take care and keep safe
Ian Clare and The Furries